Three Days Tops
by Spoot Poot
Summary: Stony get stranded. Cute, sweet and full of Stupid Tony. ENJOY!


Spoot: So…someone wanted me to write a little survival fic…

Tony: Oh no…

Three Days Tops

"I've been trapped in a cave before. I got this." Tony said nonchalantly as he passed Steve. The other man watched him walk by and sighed. They were on assignment and got stranded together on a little section of the island. The only shelter they had was a cave and the only comfort they had was the idea that a rescue party was four days away. Survival didn't scare Steve, he could go weeks without anything to eat or drink. His fear was Tony. The other man was just that. A man. Not a god. Not immortal. Just a man. He worried there wouldn't be a subsequent food supply or enough water. He only knew how to get a fire going using dry moss and a knife. He was not gunna be much help, despite his time spent in the army. Most of that was promotional work anyway.

Tony made his way up to a section of cave and turned to Steve. "See this? This is water." Steve looked at the spot and knew right away…it wasn't water. Before he could stop his partner, the other man licked the spot. "Eugh….how's that humility taste…" He asked in jest. Tony shivered and made an assortment of horrid noises. "Ugh-ew-myeeh-delicious. Woo…I dunno what that was but it wasn't water." His body convulsed again out of instinct and he flapped his hands. "Do not lick that."

"You just did…"

"I…have a natural curiosity. I should also mention that I did the best with what I had during Project Purity." This line made Steve ponder a moment. Project…Purity? There was no such thing. "The first thing we'll need is fresh fruit….mh, not that shit they give you down at the NCR Sharecropper farm." He was still talking and Steve had zoned out. He looked up and tilted his head a bit. "Tony? Are you sure you're ok?" He asked. When the said man looked at him that's when he knew. Those eyes were so dilated you could hardly see any color. "Oh…my god you're high…" He muttered. "I can give you my bottled water but that's all I have…you just sip it…"

"Water? That shit is better than caps." He barked as he took the bottle offered to him. He ignored the advice on sipping and chugged the whole thing. When finished he chunked the bottle. "YEET!" He cried out, which really had Steve confused, but he shrugged it off. He had to help his…once again…inebriated lover boy. "You should not have done that…seriously…because that was all we had…" Tony wasn't paying attention. He was walking around talking about how they needed to head to New Vegas. Steve wasn't even sure there was an Old…Vegas.

He knew of one thing that could possibly work. He began to set up a spot for a little fire. He knew how to get one going and they had the supplies for just a small one. He would gather wood later. There was one thing he learned during his time as a government pin cushion. When someone got to wired for sound….make them sweat it out. He threw some more twigs on his now crackling masterpiece and turned. "Ok you….whoever you are, come over here and sit."

Tony turned fast. He had mud on his face that Steve had his suspicions about. Mud wasn't white. Didn't matter. He grabbed the other man by the hand and pulled him over. He sat him down roughly then threw his jacket over him. "Now don't move. I mean it. You just…you sit here…and get warm."

"HMM?"

"Get warm."

"I don't eat worms." Tony muttered as he picked up a stick. From there he swung it around to music only he was conducting. Steve just rolled his eyes and sat next to him. "We'll need wood…I can get that. We'll need water distillation…I saw pieces of your suit out there…maybe I can find a filter off it. I know we'll need food...or…you will anyway. I can go for a while on nothing. I'm thinking if I go north I might be able to find something." He looked to Tony and giggled a bit. Hopefully he was ok.

"My suit." He muttered suddenly as he put his stick in the fire. "My suit has a filtration system…if you can find the bottom half you can find it….I pee in the suit."

"I know ya do. How are we feeling?"

"Little nauseous."

"Heh…that's normal I guess. You did lick a cave wall and chug water."

"Lot nauseous."

"Well…settle yourself because the last thing we need is you throwing up. For a number of reasons. You could dehydrate…not to mention your mess would be a signal beacon for a slew of bottom feeding animals that neither of us want to deal with." He looked to Tony who was standing now. "I mean it Porky….don't you…" He watched the other man head toward the ass end of the cave. "Porkyyyy…Tony no! Hey…focus! Pretend you're…too late…" Steve sighed and got up when his partner was done losing his cave wall lunch. He leaned in and smirked in his usual coy way.

"Shut up." Tony muttered as he wiped his mouth. "I know…I chugged the water when I should have sipped…I get it." Steve giggled and threw an arm around the other man, guiding him back to the little fire. "You just sit. I'll go get us some more wood."

"I got wood."

"Tony…"

"I do. It's in my pants. Wanna see?! Don't you walk away from me! Hey! Dorito! HEY! I'M TALKEN' TO YOU! Bastard…"

Steve was in a fit of self argument as he gathered up logs. His side was always right when he argued with that other man in his head. He always knew the right things to say. Always got the upper hand. And in his head, Tony just looked like an idiot. He was about to grab a downed branch when he discovered it was in fact a snake. He jerked his hand away…then giggled and shook his head. He snatched up the snake, even taking a bite to the arm. "Ooooh I know! You're so tough! Soooo scary! And you're also made of meat! Yes you are!" If anyone else saw the Steve…Steve was when he was alone, they would lock him up. Padded room and little body huggin' jacket and all. There was a perk to being the world's first superhero. The snake just learned that.

Tony looked about the cave trying to calculate exactly what they needed to survive until Shield found them. He took note of the two conjoining spots of leakage he licked and decided to stuff the cracks with moss. No more trippin' today…at least. He studied the outline of the cave entrance and divided the measurements up with the back of the cave just to figure out how much they could actually fit in the place before they lost floor usage. He turned and studied the back of the cave a bit more. It was darker than the rest so a torch might need to be fashioned. He could pull that off using the moss and the gunk on the wall. Once engendered he began to scope out the back of the cave. Nothing there but bat nests and guano. Which…was on his face. Easy bug repellent so he was off to a good start.

Steve crouched down a bit and watched a bobcat clean itself. Just like with the snake, if he could corner it…he could catch it. He already had it in his head to snap the little creature's neck. He made his peace an hour before. He knew how to hunt. He would go with Buck all the time. The only difference was the location. He watched the critter take notice of the disturbance. He held his breath and soon it lost interest in being found and went back to cleaning its paw. Tony would be fine on snake and bobcat for a few days. As long as they had fire, who cared what they ate. He inched closer, careful not to step on a stick. Before the cat took off he reached out and grabbed it by the throat. He shut his eyes tight and looked away as he clenched his fist. "I'm sorry little guy!"

Tony dusted his hands and stood up. He put his hands on his hips and smiled at his genius. There before him stood a drying rack. Steve was gunna love this! H inched close to his new baby and moved it to the side a bit. "HAH! Wha'cha think Jarvis…pretty nifty right?" He got no response so he looked around. "Oh right. Yikes. Well…guess this means I'm crazy…" He laughed to himself then eyed the mouth of the cave…again. "Where are you…I kinda don't like being alone STEVE!" He snapped, causing an echo. He let out a sigh and looked down, kicking up some dirt. He tilted his head when something shiny came into view.

Steve looked up and watched the trees. The wind direction told him exactly what he needed to know. He was on the search for the filtration system. He was going the right way so he hoisted up his food and logs. If he followed the wreckage of the patch of woods he would be able to find where they landed. Or...crashed. There was a number of scattered parts before long and his excitement grew. He picked through the junk then held up a part. When he sniffed it…he knew that was the filter. He made a face and gagged. Urine was not a pretty smell. Even if it did come from the man he loved.

Tony popped his head out of the compartment he found when he heard a voice. Steve? Was it Steve? He was scared to speak. Scared he would talk to himself again. After seven hours alone it was starting to get to him. He heard his name being called and he ducked back down into the makeshift bomb shelter. "I bet it was a skin walker." He said as he looked to a gas mask hanging up. "You too? I know. They freak me out. Hey. Don't you worry Steve…I got your back." He took the mask and popped back up, looking around. He spotted the other man and his eyes widened. Rambo had replaced his little baby Stevieweevie…He crawled out of the little hole and stood slowly as he watched this shirtless…sweaty…dirty jungle man drop about ten logs onto the ground. "Do you see this Steve?" He asked as he held up the mask. He made the mask look to him as he looked to it. "You think so? I bet if I asked nicely he would." He looked back to Steve…who was giving him a weird look.

"What are you on…never mind." He threw down the dead bobcat and snake. "I got wood and food." He looked to Tony and sighed. Before he said anything he noticed the hole. "Was this an old bomb shelter?" He asked as he approached. "Yeah. Pretty much everything is gone now but…" Tony began…holding up the mask. "I found Steve." The said man looked to the mask and tilted his head. Upon further inspection he noticed the mask…was occupied. "Tony!" He snapped, snatching the mask from him. "This has a human skull in it!" He threw it at the wall, causing it to shatter. "THAT WAS STEVE WHY WOULD YOU KILL HIM LIKE THAT!?" Tony bellowed in this gut wrenching way. Steve grabbed him and gave him a good slap. Tony stiffened up then grabbed Steve in a hug. "There you are….welcome back…" He said softly as he pat the shorter man's back a bit. "Don't scare me like that…"

It was then that he noticed something about Tony. The man was a bit unstable. It was cute for a moment but…when you really studied the situation it got serious. Tony couldn't be left alone for too long before these kinds of things happened. Don't hand him things, don't leave him alone too long, don't tell him anything. Let him figure it out otherwise…the panic rises. Yeah, his little partner was unstable. As he comforted Tony he glanced around. He noticed the drying rack, perfectly constructed. He spotted a hole dug out and lined with the leather of the ripped up jacket…and then he spotted the fire pit, complete with rocks rimming it and a smoker attached to the top.

"Did you use fronds? Is that…how did you…" He let Tony go and walked around inspecting everything. "Oh..yah…I used your jacket…I hope that's ok…um...thats supposed to be a fridge kinda…that hole there. And once we get a good fire going we can smoke the meat instead of burning it…you did get meat right?"

"Yeah I got meat…" Steve said in this distracted way as he looked up. Those holes in the top weren't there before. He looked to Tony and pointed up. "And this?"

"Moonlight…"

"What's that for?" Tony shrugged at this and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Mood lighting? I dunno. It was easy. Just chipped it away with another rock. I cut my hand but no big deal." He held up his bandaged hand. "Found it in the bomb shelter. There was only enough to get it wrapped around twice. We can wash it out with boiled water…"

"Tony…"

"Yeah?"

"You're amazing."

There was a noise that distracted them both from a moment of sweetness. They both turned their attention to the mouth of the cave as the brush rustled. "Cannibals." Tony muttered. Steve rolled his eyes and picked up a stick. He approached and swung blindly. He made contact and jerked away. "Whatever it was…its dead now." He muttered as he knelt down on one knee. He moved some brush and spotted a face. He squealed and fell backwards, scrambling his way to Tony. "IT'S A FACE! IT'S A CANNIBAL! YOU WERE RIGHT!"

"Its Fury. You killed fury…or...at least…knocked him out. They got here pretty fast…how long were we stranded?"

"What? Oh…a day…tops…we did pretty good didn't we!"

"You wanna stay a bit longer…"

"Tony….." Steve grunted and stood. He grabbed Fury by the leg and drug him inside. From there he shoved him down into the little shelter and shut it. "Three days….tops." He said as he eyed Tony. The other man just smiled bright and nodded. "So…tell me Dorito….you ever have sex in a cave?"

THE END!

Spoot: I is happy.

Tony: You is happy…

Spoot: I IS!


End file.
